I don't know

     Been a tough month. Usually February is pretty quiet but not his one. I had to have out-patient surgery last week. Pain pump that houses my on going pain meds was , I think, slowly giving up and pain was slowly creeping back as a daily debilitating part of my life. My quality of life was getting to be the pits. So I get it changed out with a larger resivoired pump. You know after a having the pump now for almost nine years I was wondering if I really needed it anymore. The night after I got released I got my answer. The pain was off the charts. It brought back so many bad memories for me as well as hurting like nothing can compare. The next few days though it finally got back to the pain that I was dealing with normally. If you would have asked me in high school if I would have to experience stuff like this I would have told you that you were insane. My life is no where near where it could have been if not for that fateful day. Yes I know it could have been worse but for those of you who say that , must never have had this kind of crap happen to you. I hope you never do. Chronic pain in whatever form is terrible. Pain that takes your life and chews on it until it is goo is unfathomable. I am not saying this for sympathy just blogging. Oh well life goes on for me. I try to contribute all I can and leave a legacy of love and guidance for my family. Well I will go, maybe later I will be more up beat. I hope so...I